Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Saturday, February 18, 2012

Cameroon 2012: Worth More Than Peanuts


After the day’s 5 hour hike, we were in dire need of a good cleaning once we arrived in Menji, the village where we’d be staying for two days.   

I’ll be honest, it felt rather convicting to feel as though I had somehow earned that luxury by merely hiking from one village to another, given that these people exert that much effort on a regular basis, and it’s nothing out of the ordinary for them.  There are teachers that walk that far to work in the valley during the week.  Some walk further. 

Church alone is nearly a two hour walk from Menji, a walk that many faithfully make every Sunday morning, as well as for additional church services.  Regardless of the physical exertion we’d put out that day, cleanliness required water, and water was precious and scarce. 

Our best option was a local stream an easy 10 minute walk past Menji.  Captain Ed offered to walk the women to the stream so he could show us where to bathe, and while we bathed, he would hike back to Menji and get the boys. 



The best place to bathe was just below a shallow waterfall that flowed under an old footbridge.  The water was cool, clear, and refreshing to our tired, dirty and achy bodies. 

It felt so good to have an opportunity to wash up!  I had brought goat milk soap, and used a bit to wash off what seemed to be an inch of caked dirt and sweat off of me.  Once I washed up, I chose to sit down in an area of the river that enabled my body to be submerged up to my shoulders, that way I’d let most of my body soak, but not get my hair wet.  It was so good for our limbs to float, gently supported by the water. 


Wendy sat nearby as well, each of us allowing our tired muscles to soak, relax, and cool down, while watching a gorgeous array of butterflies converged on the opposite shore.  

It was mesmerizing to see so many varieties of butterflies in one place, especially the ones with unusual color combinations that we would not have the opportunity to see back home, such as black and aqua.   


As my eyes adjusted to the colors in the stream and the flow of the water, I began to easily track the movement of fish swimming nearby.  There were so many!  As I kept watching them, I realized that their movement was unusual but familiar...  It took me a moment to realize that these weren’t regular fish, but seemed more in line with a plecostamus or “algae eaters”.  They would hover above all the rocks, moving slowly as they fed off the algae on the rocks, but would bolt as soon as they sensed nearby movement.  Traditional plecostamus originate from South America, so these weren’t likely true plecostamus, I don’t know, but they were a very similar style of fish as far as swimming movement, behavior, and activity went.  I’m surprised that with as many of these fish as there were, that they’d be any algae left anywhere in the stream!

Glad that these weren’t piranhas!  As long as they stuck to algae and not flesh, all was cool!  :o)

Back at our guest house in Menji, we ate supper and prepared our sleep area for the night by claiming a spot on the ground where we’d prefer to sleep, and getting our sleeping bags set up while we still had the advantage of daylight.  As we were going about preparing our spots, someone noticed that we had unexpected company.  Maybe to this enormous brown hairy spider, we were the unexpected company. 

(One of the team members took a photo -- once the photo is available, I will share -- I know y'all want to see it!)




Isn't he lovely?  Those boards are 4 inches across, just for some basic size reference...



Hairy Beast, as I’ve chosen to name him, was resting on a wooden beam above us, and didn’t seem to be in a hurry to get anywhere.  I wasn’t alarmed, but I must admit I made a mental note to periodically check to ensure it was still there.  It seemed preferable to me for it stay in that spot, rather than to find him wandering through our sleeping bags in order to find a dark and cozy corner in which to sleep... especially given that I had chosen the corner spot to rest my head that night...  just sayin’!   

On a good note, no one had said that all spiders in Cameroon were venomous!  Still, something about this one didn’t seem overly innocuous.  Had any of us suffered from arachnophobia, he/she would have been able to add insomnia to their list of issues for the next lil’ while...  at least until the sight of this spider the size a human hand faded from memory.





The kids... oh my heart, the kids...  It was altogether different than what I had witnessed in Honduras and Ghana.  The kids here seemed subdued, reserved, and rarely approached us, choosing instead to observe us from a distance.  Most of the time, when they approached, an adult would "shoo" them away from us.  




At one point, we were served fresh roasted peanuts, and one of the children who had lined up against the wall with a dozen other kids approached one of the adults that lived there to ask for some, and he was harshly reprimanded.  

Dejected, the young boy returned to sit by the wall. 

I stopped my mid-afternoon journaling to wrap my mind around what I was witnessing, and began to think back to earlier interactions I had witnessed between local adults and children...  

Time and time again, I had seen what I can only describe as adults treating children as though they are stray dogs.  It’s a harsh description, but here, children come last, they are pushed away, and seem to be invisible.  

The more I watched, the more my heart broke.  


I got up, went to get a handful of peanuts from the tray, and went in search of the boy who had been pushed aside, his needs/wants dismissed.  I called him to me, looked into his eyes and smiled as I opened his hand, and quietly gave him the nuts.  I tenderly touched his face and communicated love to him without words.  

After all, are not a boy's heart and spirit worth so much more than a mere handful of peanuts? 

I was aware that doing so could cause trouble, as children learn quickly in this harsh environment that they can take advantage of our presence there and beg aggressively...  and we'd had such issues already in Cameroon.

Still...  there are times when we are called to be love against the grain, and this was one of those times.  

It had less to do with the food than it had to do with this boy’s crushed spirit.  

Children need to know they matter to someone, that someone notices them with love.

As much as it pained me to see their dirty faces, their torn clothes, their bellies swollen with parasites and malnutrition, their hunger... 

Perhaps it hurt more to see that these children are not suffering from such things as much as they're suffering from the world's lack of compassion.  I'm so thankful to the ones who do reach out to these children, to the broken, the hurt, the sick, the poor, the oppressed, the enslaved, the lost...  may it lead to a viral outbreak of compassion that touches the lives of each and every one of those in need.




I spent time with the kids who were on the outside, looking in.  I took their photos, and made them laugh, paying attention to each and every one of them individually. 







A young girl was carrying a precious baby on her back, and I asked her for permission to hold the baby.  I wandered up and down the courtyard, completely lost in this beautiful little girl’s eyes that I held in my arms.  The world could have stood still, and I’m not certain I would have noticed.  I eventually had to give her back, much to my chagrin, and doing so made my arms ache from the emptiness, but there were so many more kids who were hungry for attention.                                    


The activities for the following day were optional, so I asked Dominica, the woman who had been hired to cook for us, if she attended church in the area on Sundays.  She said that yes, she normally went to a Catholic church in the area.  I asked her where it was, and if I could accompany her.  She said that it was a little less than a 2 hour walk, but that since she was cooking for our team, she wouldn’t be able to attend church the following morning.  It deepened my appreciation even more for the hospitality she extended to us. 

I asked if she had a Bible, she said that she had never owned a Bible, and she did not have one available.  I shared that I had brought a Bible, and offered to join her in the morning as she did our meal preparation – if she couldn’t go to the church, we’d simply bring church to her!  She chuckled and agreed, and said “Ok, we will see you in the morning, then!” 

As I was sitting outside at the table that evening, journaling by flashlight while the team hung out and swapped stories, I began to think of Dominica not having a copy of the Bible, and how difficult it would be to get to know God intimately without His words, His love letter to us, His guidance in written texts. 

(One of my Bibles, March 2010)

All through this trip, I had taken advantage of any down time we had to study my Bible and journal, and I couldn’t imagine not having His Word at my fingertips.  It’s the first thing I pack, the only thing I really truly need.  I thought back to the other Bibles I had at home...  the Greek & Hebrew Study Bible, a Mom’s Devotional Bible, a NIV/Message Parallel Study Bible, as well as several others, along with the Bible app on my phone...  

How rich are we, to have more than enough, when the opposite of extreme poverty is simply “enough”?   

Even as much as I give, I still have too much.

I thought of the small sacrifice it would be to go without a Bible for the following 7 days, in order for someone seeking His word to have one for countless years...  I could give her the Bible I had brought with me.  Nothing less than that would ever make sense.  I just wished I could do more while I was there, with her.



As I was journaling, some of my team mates asked about my journal, what kind of things I write, and whether I'd be willing to share.  I said I'd be willing to read a few pages to them if they'd like, so they joked that we could have tomorrow night's round-of-beers non-campfire activity as "JD reading from her journal."  Although in the end it didn't happen, they're welcomed to read bits and pieces of it on these blog pages.  As for the paper version, the journal was quickly filling up.  My Bestie had prepared this journal and sent it to me just for this trip, so that I could write during my down time.  She had written a letter in the beginning pages, as well as tucked letters of encouragement in the back for me to open as I felt led to.  In the journal's pages, she randomly wrote secret little notes and messages to make me smile.  My favorite was "Still writing, eh?!"  She knows me well.

I still had so much to journal, but the light I had tucked into my bandana to light the pages was attracting an increasing number of bugs, which was in turn drawing the bats to me.  They were swooping around my head in search of a late night snack.  

It was well past time to go to bed anyway, my mind was doing the craziest things the longer I stayed up – like considering going for a run the following morning...  I had walked, hiked and climbed in Africa, but never run...  Someday, I will – but not this Sunday.  

Unless I end up having to chase a snake, or outrun Hairy Beast’s 8 long hairy legs?



Monday, December 19, 2011

Christmas Gift -- A Letter

{Letter given to my mother for Christmas of 2009...  knowing there are many who have walked this journey, I share in the hope that you, too, will find healing and peace.  Posted with  her blessing.}









Maman,

     Over two thousand years ago, as Mary waited upon the birth of her precious baby boy, the entire world awaited with her in unaware anticipation of the birth of their Savior.  Each Christmas, I stop and try to imagine what must have gone through her mind as the impending birth approached…  He was not only her son, but God’s Son in the literal sense, and even though He would have a difficult life, He would also bring her the gift of peace and hope.  

His life would bring her peace and hope.
      His birth brought to us the most precious, priceless gift.  My personal gift to you this Christmas pales in comparison, but it is a gift from the heart; a gathering of my words.  As your daughter, I want my gift to be a parallel of what Jesus brought His mother that first Christmas…  peace, and hope.

     Just as I can not begin to comprehend how much Mary’s heart suffered in watching her precious boy grow up under persecution and evil, I can also not begin to comprehend how your heart suffered as you witnessed the destructive force of evil tear away at the fabric of your family.  

     Mary is no more to blame for the sins of the world than you were to blame for the sins of your husband, my father.  God knew Mary was a woman of honor, a woman of faith, a woman strong enough to trust with this most difficult situation…  Mary was chosen by God for this, because He knew that in her difficult journey, she would bring honor and glory to Him.  Out of every woman on earth at that time, He chose her.  Imagine how difficult it would have been for us humans to choose someone for this task?  God had no difficulty, He knew her heart.  


     Do you realize that even over two thousands years ago... yes, even then, even in Mary’s time on earth, God already knew He would choose you as the mother in our family?  He knew you were an honorable woman of faith, a woman strong enough to trust with this most difficult situation… a woman who would bring honor and glory to Him even though the challenges would be heartbreaking.

     Paul’s journey with Mary’s own Son inspired these words from Romans 5:3-5 “Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”  I can’t help but wonder if Mary ever had a chance to hear the words that Paul wrote, the words inspired by her Son.  Those words have left a deep imprint on the hearts of Christians around the world almost 2000 years later.  Those words have left a deep imprint on my heart. 

     Mary’s Son inspired my life and my words… just as it is Mary’s Son Who inspired Paul’s life and Paul’s words…    We do not know if Paul’s words reached Mary, but today, it is my hope that my words will reach you, my mother.  I see you the same way I see Mary… a woman chosen by God to fulfill His purpose, a woman He knew would honor Him.  A Godly woman whose examples of strength and courage were woven into the tapestry of my life and helped me grow to be the woman I am today.  A woman who counteracted evil with love, patience, faith, determination, forgiveness and compassion.  A woman whose suffering brought perseverance, character, and hope.  A woman whose daughter's suffering also gave life to perseverance, character and hope.  A woman who deserves to rest in peace and hope, knowing that God is looking at her life right now and saying “Well done, my good and faithful child, well done.”  

     Just as Jesus did not look back upon His life and suffering and put any responsibility for this on His mother and just as Jesus was grateful for the way that Mary, His mother, raised Him honorably…  I do not look back upon my life and suffering and put any responsibility for the suffering on you. 


     I am grateful for the way that you, my mother, raised me.   I am grateful that God chose you.  Even when I was merely a few years old, I sensed that He knew the mother I needed and that He chose the very best.  It is my love for you and for God that carried me through the most difficult years.  It is my love for you and for God that helped me grab a hold of life and hang on.  I have never, ever questioned His gift of YOU.   Again inspired by the words of Paul…  “I thank My God upon every remembrance of you.”  (Phil 1:3)

     Please know that I have no regrets, I harbor no resentment… I have peace, love, hope and a grateful heart.  My life is much like the life of a flower crushed by circumstances – rather than succumb to the pressures of suffering, the flower lives out the purpose created in her by God, by releasing the pure fragrance of beautiful faith.  “What man meant for evil, God used for GOOD.”  Gen 50:20

     This Christmas, and from this day forward…  take this gift of peace and hope, and let it fill your heart to overflowing.  Underneath the glorious wrappings of this gift, you will find a hidden, priceless, life-changing treasure beyond measure…  healing.


You are loved with a grateful heart,


Jolaine 
Friday, December 02, 2011

The Weight Of Slavery -- A Letter To Richard


My Precious Richard,

When dawn breaks gently from the east, it will have been twenty full days since we met face to face on a desolate island of Lake Volta, where you are enslaved.  Dawn is still hours away, it is nearly 4am and sleep can’t reach me.  My bones are aching, my soul is weary, and yet when I close my eyes, all I see is you, halfway across the world, paddling a boat as the dawn breaks, bones aching, soul weary, and I ask myself, how does rest reach you, and what do your eyes see?



They play like a broken reel on repeat in my mind, the brief memories of standing facing you, my heart trying so hard to grasp the overwhelming reality of what my eyes were seeing, my legs trying not to crumble under the weight of your world, my eyes searching yours for a spark of life...  

Surrounded by a group of boys your age, the quietest of the group, you silently spoke volumes about the brutal effects of slavery on a boy of such tender years.  Our attempts to bring a smile to the boys’ faces and convey that we were not a threat was met by curious smiles, laughs and relief by all except you. 

It was as though you weren’t there, your spirit long ago having checked out in the face of such perpetual darkness.

Did their laughter feel painful to you as you continued to feel invisible?  Did your surroundings cause you to further attempt to disappear into another dimension where nothing could reach you, not pain, joy, or the concept of hope?  I knew all too well that in that situation, feeling nothing was an involuntary defence mechanism...  numbness prolonged survival.

It was in those moments that I realized that we weren’t seeing you, Richard, we were only seeing the shell of the boy whose heart, mind, body and spirit could no longer bear the weight of slavery.  How much longer before the sins of this world crushed you, as they crushed our precious Savior on the cross?  How much longer would you have to endure the darkness man had pulled you under?

From your seat on that wooden bench, what did you hear?  How many times had someone come and attempted to set you free, only to leave empty handed?  How many times had someone come, expressing concern over you, perhaps causing you to grasp on to hope by the little strength you had left, only to lose that grip as the negotiations were thwarted once again by the enemy?  Did hope even flicker this time around, or was it too painful to contemplate that hope was even possible?  

Peace only finds me when my mind takes me back to where you are, and this time, I do what I failed to do the first time we met...  I take you in my arms, gently lift your face until your eyes see mine, and I do everything in my power to pour Christ’s love into your spirit.  There are so many things I failed to share with you, precious boy...  that you are loved and treasured far more than the heart can ever imagine, and that the Lord made you not by the word of His mouth as He made the entire world, but by the work of His hands...  you are Handmade, special, unique, and His beloved, and not one of your tears has fallen outside of the Creator’s care and concern.  

Understanding all too well that these words would have stung and fallen empty on this side of freedom, I would have gently told you never to lose hope, that our only hope is in Christ and Christ alone, that God knew of your suffering and that He would watch over you until the day of your rescue...  knowing in my heart that your first taste of freedom could very well be your first breath of heaven.  Having known the desperation of abuse, we both would have understood all too well if this blessed mercy was all we had the strength left to pray for.

Beyond the eternal Living Water that I would have shared with you, it pains me to know that I had little to offer your immediate physical needs...  to have quenched your thirst and satisfied your hunger would have helped me teach you of the One who sustains us all.  Such things wouldn't have needed translation; feeding His sheep needs no familiar words as it is done through the universal language of love.

Richard, not having held you breaks my heart more than my mere words could ever express.  As a mother of sons who have never outgrown the joy, safety and comfort of a gentle snuggle, a mother’s touch, I long to know that in this lifetime, you have known this kind of love at least once.  Knowing that as a human, a mother and a Christ follower, I failed to share that love with you keeps me awake night, after night, after night.  I can't help but wonder if you even know to dream of such things -- when was the last time you were held, Richard, and do you know a mother's love?  

Where is your mother as you continue to languish here on this island, and does it tear her up to be apart from her son like it tears me up to have had to leave you behind?  

While it's crushingly painful to see you and carry you with me everywhere I go, I pray that pain never lessens, never heals, never becomes numb by the world’s endless pressure to fit subtly in the deceptive trap of the middle ground.

I simply and ever-so-complexly can not choose to return to the life I once knew.

No, I beg the pain to remain, the pain that serves to remind me that Jesus calls on us to live radically, to eschew the world’s dangerous blindness and to open our eyes to what breaks His heart.  

You are now mine, Richard, not having grown in my body, but having been indelibly engraved upon my heart...  you, chosen for me, and I, for you.

You have become, to me and to many, the personal, heartbreaking face of slavery.   




Even though my words may never reach you on this side of the veil, your voice has been heard, Richard, your voice has been heard around the world, and it will not be extinguished until every man, woman and child you represent has been set free.  


May God deal with me ever so severely if I should fail you again.


Love, beyond measure,

JD



"It is the children the world almost breaks who grow up to save it."  -- Wess Stafford, Compassion International