Monday, April 25, 2011

Early Morning Adventures @ The Zoo

I stumbled a blog of another Compassion "Peep" the other day, you know the kind of blog that makes you ask yourself how you've ever missed it (and should come with a warning not to sip any fizzy liquids while reading?) Yup. Her personality is refreshing and her posts remind me of journals I have of my kids' adventures from previous years. This one's for you, Madame Bohemian Bowman!

__________ Circa 2010, Notes From The ZooKeeper *aka Mom* _____________

It's 8:06, and already, the morning has been an adventure...

Hubby nudged me awake this morning before he left. I had the day off, but had to get up to help the kids get ready for school.

Jillian had spent last evening working very hard on her first big project, "All About Canada". She was so proud to have finished it last night, she even showed it to Tia via webcam. I hadn't even had a chance to lift my head off the pillow when she came into my room with a bewildered look on her face... When she grabbed her school stuff as she was getting ready, she came across the instructions for her project.

And realized she has missed several things.

In a panic, she grabbed the first thing she could find -- a pen -- and finished off what she could on pages that had been written in pencil. There is a reason this child writes with a pencil. Have I mentioned that there is no filter between her thoughts and the things she writes? I'm not just talking about the way she feels compelled to label our new washer and dryer with "Washer" and "Dryer" in a Sharpie permanent marker without realizing that she shouldn't... this is much more fun. If she's in the midst of writing and starts to think about bunnies and rainbows, guess what appears on the page? Shoes and grasshoppers, because by the time she begins to write about bunnies and rainbows, she's onto another topic entirely, such as toothpaste and, what was that? Canada who? I'm thankful she wasn't thinking about something completely inappropriate at the time... *ahem*

The OCD in me (CDO, in alphabetical order) had to be restrained as I watched her write, cross things out, re-write, and scribble a bunch of random stuff on the pages.

I didn't have a chance to worry much about it, thanks to Brandon wandering into the bedroom and announcing that Ginger had puked all over his bedroom floor during the night. I quietly told him where the paper towel was, and explained that this would be his responsibility, since he had left stuff out that Ginger got into the night before... He didn't argue. He knew he couldn't.

I was pleased to hear the sound of paper towel sheets being torn off the roll in his room, but those pleasantries didn't last long.

Josh provided a perfect distraction for me: "Mommy, have you seen my shoes?"

"Yes, Josh, they're in the backseat of daddy's car..."

To which Jillian added "... which daddy just drove to work..."

OK, ok, I get it... it's time for me to leave the cozy warmth of my orange blankie and live up to my Mother's Day card from Brandon, which went something like this:

(Mine was more special, though, it had *glitter*!)

My first question, other than "Uhm, why were your shoes in the car?", was "Do you have another pair of shoes...?"


Wait a minute, back up... I have more shoes than one of my kids? How'd that happen? Is this candid camera?

Uhm, ok. Brainstorm.... what about the gardening Crocs, Josh, you know, the ones you leave strewn about outside and that I can't find when I need them? Yeah... didn't think so either.

Does Brandon have any shoes you could use? He needs them for gym today? OK, that won't work.

Jillian's shoes are too small at a size 5 women's, Daddy's are too big, size 12 men's...

That leaves my shoes.

Hey, you could wear my Giggle Shoes, Josh, my new Converse ones. Too happy for you? How 'bout my Sketchers, then? Yes, there is a slight bit of pale blue glitter accents on them, but no one will notice, much, right? Besides, you already know what to do if you get bullied... we practiced! Repeat after me:

"I'm so sorry that your insecurity is causing you to project pain onto others... but wait! There's an app for that!!"

"All set. OK, out you go, the bus will be here any minute! Those shoes look great, Josh, you can't even tell!"

Blur of red and tan rushes past me and out the door. OK, that's Brandon, followed by a blur of blue jeans and pale blue glitter. Poor Josh... praying for that boy today! Last but not least, a blur of psychadelic medley prances past.... That's Cindy Lauper, of course, on her way to the bus... wait, wait a minute, Ms. Lauper does not live here. Who is that?

"JILLIAN, what in the world are you wearing, dear child??!"

Ensemble du jour:

Two shirts that do NOT belong in the same zip code, much less layered together.
A see through tutu.
A suede/wool coat (it's sunny and warm).

And finally, the piece de resistance... Blue tights that have gaping holes in them in various and obvious places.

I wasn't sure what was most surprising -- that she chose to wear underwear, or that she might have worn underwear because she realized that everything else was see-through.

It's at that point that Josh and Brandon yell "BUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Oh Lord, come quickly.

I tear downstairs to the laundry room, grab a clean pair of her jeans, instructing her to take the tights and tutu off. I run back upstairs only to discover that she can't get the tutu off, it's stuck. So I haul her jeans on, didn't even get them zipped, tell her she has no choice but to keep the tutu on. She shoved her shoes back on, and ran for the bus. I did manage to give her a hug, because I knew she was feeling pretty overwhelmed at that moment. She held up well, though. Lead 'em by example, indeed.

Cindy Lauper... I might have to double check the family tree. I always wondered who Jillian inherited her style from... Off to Google how Cindy Lauper dresses these days -- I feel the need to brace myself for the upcoming teenage years -- after I clean up Brandon's room, that is... Since all he did was cover each pile with a sheet of paper towel.


P.S. Huby just called, he needs a drive to the airport in Bangor, Maine. He's on his way to pick me up... Never a dull moment at The Zoo.

P.P.S. Hubby just got home. I don't have to drive him to Bangor... but he has to drive himself to Boston. BOSTON? Really, really?? He'll be there at least a week, which means he will miss Josh's ballet recital, and that Josh's birthday party will have to be postponed.

I'm SO glad that he and I both have a healthy sense of humor: We've spent our entire morning laughing at the adventures life brings us on. Never a dull moment at the Zoo, thankyouverymuch.


Jessica said...

That was HIGHlarious!

Caitlin S said...

Wow! Thanks for allowing us to chuckle at your chaos!

Chipper said...

Ha ha! Love ARE exaggerating, right? Dear woman PLEASE tell me you are, a little!

Thanks also for sharing the link for "Bohemian Bowmans". I checked it out and me likes!

JD said...

Jessica -- knew you'd love it! Caitlin -- always to be laughed with!!

Tracie -- I promise you, you can ask all three children, that was 100% the way it unfolded, humor and all. It was like a cross between a nightmare and a sitcom, but more on the sitcom side!

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